Home care or professional childcare
This is a sample answer written to show what a Band 6.5 response looks like, and where it falls short of Band 7. It is a worked example, not a graded submission. To see your own band, paste your writing into the free checker.
The prompt
Some people believe that young children are better cared for at home by a parent, while others think that professional childcare allows children to develop important social skills. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Band 6.5 sample answer (262 words)
These days there is a big discussion about how young children should be cared for. Some people think it is better for children to stay at home with a parent, while other people think that professional childcare is better for them. In this essay I will discuss both views and give my opinion.
On the one hand, many people believe that home care is the best option. Firstly, a parent loves the child more than anyone else, so the child feels safe and happy at home. Secondly, the parent knows the child very well and can give them a lot of attention. Also, at home the child does not get sick so often because there are not many other children around. For these reasons, some people think that staying at home with a parent is better for young children.
On the other hand, other people think that professional childcare is better. In a nursery, children can play with other children and learn how to share and make friends, so they develop important social skills. Also, the staff are trained and they organise many activities for the children. Another point is that the parent can go to the work and earn money for the family. So professional childcare has many advantages too.
In conclusion, both home care and professional childcare have advantages. In my opinion, a mix of both is the best for young children, because they can spend time with their parent and also play with other children. So I think parents should choose the option which is good for their situation.
Why this reaches Band 6.5
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Task Response
Both views are covered and an opinion is given, but the ideas are listed rather than developed. Points such as "a parent loves the child more than anyone else" and "the staff are trained" are stated briefly without real explanation, which holds it at Band 6.5 rather than 7.
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Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is organised into clear paragraphs, but the linking is mechanical ("Firstly", "Secondly", "Also", "Another point"), and several ideas are simply added one after another rather than connected.
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Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate and clear, but it is repetitive ("better" and "children" recur throughout) and rarely precise, with little of the topic-specific language a Band 7 would show.
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Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Sentences are mostly simple and meaning is always clear, but there is little variety, and there are minor slips such as "go to the work" and "is the best for young children" that do not impede understanding.
The one fix to reach Band 7
This answer reaches Band 6.5 because its ideas are listed with mechanical linkers and its vocabulary repeats. The single most effective change to reach Band 7 is to take one point from each side and explain it in depth, in more precise wording, instead of naming several points in a row.
Now check your own answer.
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